I can’t believe I have neglected my blog for more than a week! It definitely doesn’t feel like it. Time is going by too fast for my liking. I just realized the other day that I only have approximately 14 days left (actually it’s exactly 14 counting today). That’s so sad. I have more emotional responses to this than there are colors in a color spectrum. I can’t even categorize or recognize them all. I think that’s one reason my writing has diminished lately, because I can’t even begin to explain to myself everything that’s going through my head right now.
I’m anxious to come home for many reasons. One, I’ve obviously changed. Anyone who doesn’t have the physical limitations of Helen Keller can attest to this. I’m really excited to see how I cope with old situations (and new) with this new state of mind. I’m so at peace with myself that I think I can handle challenges a lot better than I used to be able too. I also think I can do them with more confidence, understanding and less stress than I could before. So because of this I am very anxious to see how I play out in that aspect. Two, I get to see everyone again. I’ve always missed all of you don’t get me wrong but just recently I REALLY started to miss all of you. Thank God for the internet or I would probably be in a serious depression right now. I can’t live without Ohio and the people in it. They are too important to me. I realized that no matter when I am or where I go, Ohio will always be my home. Literally Ohio, because I realized that I just miss my house. Not as much as the people in it but I seriously just miss my house. I like where it is and the feel it has. I miss that. Three, I get to give and receive hugs again! I get some hugs here but not as many as I would like. Hugs are my favorite things in the world and very important to me. So people expect lots and lots of hugs when I get back :)
Ok well talking about all of that now just basically got me stoked to come home. But some of the reasons I’m not too excited to come home are: One, Because I’ve become so happy with this new person that I am, I don’t want old situations and circumstances to change me back into the person I was. I mean I don’t detest the person I once was, I’m just so happy with the way I am now that I want to stay that way. It would be like losing your soul mate. Tragic. Literally, that’s how I’m looking at it. I don’t remember if I blogged the journal entry I wrote about my “me soul mate” so I will explain briefly. This new me that I am, I think of it as my “my soul mate”. Someone you can’t and wouldn’t want to live without. It’s like this new person is my best friend. I say it’s my soul mate because the old me is still here but it’s just like an addition. Anyways, this “me soul mate” and my bond I think is too strong to break but I’m just nervous about it still. I know can never completely change back into the person I was but I don’t want to become less unsure about myself, etc than I am now. Because I’m not unsure about myself in most aspects and I like it that way. Two, I’m also not excited to come home because I have a new family here. My friends Patrick and Molly have seriously become my new family. They are honestly some of my best friends and I think they always will be. I have told them stuff that I can’t even tell some of my best friends from home and acted COMPLETELY myself around them. I know because we really only have each other here we became such good friends. But that doesn’t change the fact that they mean so much to me. I’m going to miss them like crazy when I leave. I know we will still stay in contact but honestly it’s never going to be the same as it was here. Three, I will miss the less stressed life. I don’t work here and I don’t have class as often as I do. It’s basically like a mini vacation all the time. Who would ever want to leave a vacation?
So those are just some of the emotions and things I have been thinking about lately. Besides the fact that I am going to be doing so much travelling and travelling always makes me somewhere nervous because you can’t know exactly what to expect. But I’m trying not to think about that :)
Well now that I have gotten all of that out of the way. For some reason it’s easier to blog about my feelings than it once was. Which I think is good. I don’t know if you care to know those things or what but I don’t care. It’s my blog, I do what I want :)
Well onto the events of my days. I haven’t been doing a lot lately actually. I have been spending wayyy too much time on the computer because I have had to do papers and write my story for my class. I have two papers left to do and peer reviews before Friday since this is the last week of classes. The last week, can you believe it?! I can’t. Well after this week all I will have left to do is turn in my final creative writing story and then take one final. I’m not too worried about it all. I can study for my final in Bali and I can edit my story there as well. Should be relatively stress free I’m hoping! The weather here has been kind of temperamental. It was really nice yesterday; hot and sunshine everywhere. But today and Saturday it is cloudy and raining. Boo. It feels like Ohio with it constantly changing. Luckily though I haven’t had to resort to using my heater again. I put it away and I refuse to bring it back out!
Oh and an update on my ever-changing mind. I think I decided I’m going to pick up another major: English. :) I’ve realized that I love to write and I think reading obviously so I should be ok with this. I’m not 100% sure on the idea yet because Ohio State isn’t being too cooperative with getting me someone I can talk to about it. But when I get back I’m definitely going to be looking into it more. And I schedule classes tomorrow and I’m scheduling a beginning class for the major. So as of right now it’s happening. I don’t want to drop my business major though. So hopefully I will be majoring in Human Resources, International Business, and English. I probably won’t graduate in 5 years anymore but I don’t care. I do what I want. One reason that might keep me from doing it though is that its going to be even more money than for me to graduate. That’s going to be a problem because that’s just more I will have to pay back after school but really I think it will make me happy and will be worth it so I’m seriously considering it.
Yup, ok well I think that’s enough for now. I should do some schoolwork. It’s funny I didn’t realize until late last night that I had classes today. For some reason my brain has stopped working and it needs to get back in gear because I have stuff I have to do. No worries though I went to class and I have one later that I need to finish a question for. So I’m going to peace out.
I love you all <3