Realizations

October 14, 2009                         12ish am  Tuesday night

 

            So I know a lot of you said that you liked my “journal” entry the best. Well if you would like to read more journally things (AKA feeling things) I copied what I wrote last night right before I went to bed. Enjoy:

 

Wow, I really don’t even know where to begin. I just love life so much right now. Coming to Australia has literally been the best decision I’ve ever made in my life! I think it’s just because I have gotten to know myself so well. I literally have come to peace with myself and who I am. It’s great. I find myself being nothing but happy!! Really I can’t remember ever feeling consistently happy day after day in my life. Maybe when I was little but that was so long ago I can’t recall it. I’m perfectly content with my life and the direction it’s heading. I’m not worried about boys (so much. It would be unhuman to not worry at all.) I mean I really don’t like anyone a lot and I don’t even think I want a relationship right now.

            Some of the things I have learned about myself and in general include: 1. Quiet time and time to myself and having to listen to myself even though it can be miserable at times is critical for my peace of mind 2. I hate routine. This has been prevalent all along, however, I have just realized it. I’m pretty sure that’s why my gym routines never end up working out. Here I just do whatever I feel like doing. Run/walk/ classes. Even the classes differ in day and time every week. Different classes too. I think that’s why I love classes here too (school classes). I only have classes twice a week, leaving my week open to do whatever I want. At Ohio State it’s obvious b/c I never liked going to work on a schedule and classes so often every week at the same time drove me crazy! The only reason I went to work at the same time just about every week was because I knew my friends would be there so work was bearable then. 3. I can live without my family and I thrive independently. Don’t get me wrong I love my family and friends but I’m just so peaceful here all by myself that I love not feeling confined by my parents or anyone and always letting them now where I am or what I am doing. 4. I am an outgoing person. I didn’t realize this until Patrick and Molly about beat me down when I said I wasn’t. After thinking about it. Yes I am. I do tend to talk quit often and I’m not afraid to give my opinion on most issues. I think that when I was younger I was really outgoing and I loved my life then. Then I started to feel pressures to conform to be “perfect” so I became more shy b/c not talking seemed better than being judged in a bad way. I was afraid to show who I really am, which brings me to my next point. 5. I know who I am and I’m not afraid to show it because I think someone won’t like me for it. If they don’t like me than that’s their problem. I think I naturally have a very hard/bitch attitude and sometimes I don’t show it because I’m afraid a guy won’t like me.  Well eventually my lovely bitchy attitude will come shining through so they might as well get it from the beginning. 6. I love hanging out with guys. They aren’t all about gossip and they just simply want to have a good time. I’m adopting this policy and taking my days one at a time now. 7. I need to indulge in life’s pleasures more frequently. The Aussie’s big night to go out is Wednesday (b/c it’s hump day!) and then if they don’t have something to do they will go out on the weekends. But you don’t HAVE to go out on weekends. They usually just drink at each other’s houses and stuff too because it’s too expensive to go out all the time. I think this is great because they just do what they feel like doing and things turn out ok. They aren’t worried about always going out on weekends and having to party it up to have fun (well at least this is my impression I’m getting). Actually the more I think about it the more I think that a lot of people are like this just not people I tend to hang out with. I’ve been thinking that if I just chill my life out and go out when I want and do what I want then I will enjoy life so much more. 8. I’m a more peaceful person than party-get-drunk all the time person. I’ve know this but I’m just glad that I don’t feel pressure from the Aussie’s to be the latter person :)

 

None journally things:

 

            Well today we had an excursion in Northbridge. Nothing exciting really at all.  It was actually quit boring b/c it was a guided tour thing. Ugh stupid class today. Afte that though I was going into town and I got stopped to join a Congo Line b/c some girl was trying to make the longest line to win a free trip to Brazil. It was cool to participate in. I hope she got it! My friends were in it with me too but then 3 of them bailed. I don’t understand why they left. It’s not like we were waiting forever. Plus, if I was trying to get a free trip to Brazil I wouldn’t want people leaving my line!

            On my second assignment for Planetary Science I got another 30/30! I was soo happy. I didn’t think I would get another one at all. But I guess he liked it! I looked at all the other grades on the table too (haha yes they were all there, well those who hadn’t taken them yet) and I only saw one other 30. It made my night :D

            I’m actually going to stop here b/c I’m tired and I still have to work on my creative writing assignment. I don’t want to tire myself out with so much writing! Hehe Love you all <3